• Sport

Human Rights Watch Pauses Human Rights, Cites Need For Further Analysis On Whether Controversial Topics Still Exist

Gloria HyperboleFebruary 4, 2026

After blocking a critical report on Palestinian refugees, Human Rights Watch suspends action on human rights pending further analysis, prompting senior staff to resign.

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• Sport

FIFA President Apologizes for Jokes About British Fans; Reassures Nation ‘It’s Okay to Boo at Anything, Even Me’

Larry LiteralistFebruary 3, 2026

FIFA president Gianni Infantino apologizes for joking about the cheerlessness of British football fans, leading to widespread outrage and new support measures for traumatized supporters.

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• Sport

NFL Now Legally Required to Give Itself ‘A+’ Grade on ESPN Power Rankings

Veronica TruthbombFebruary 2, 2026

The NFL becomes a minority owner of ESPN, sparking concerns over unbiased coverage as the league now holds sway over its own media scrutiny.

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• Sport

German Football Federation Reluctantly Decides Not to Solve Global Democracy Crisis With World Cup Boycott

Larry LiteralistFebruary 1, 2026

The German Football Federation announces it will not boycott the 2026 World Cup in the U.S. in protest of Donald Trump, admitting such a move is unlikely to solve America's democracy issues.

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• Sport

AFCON Final to Be Replayed on Zoom After Chaos, With Players Muted by Default

Chester P. NonsenseJanuary 31, 2026

CAF fines and bans rain down after chaos in the AFCON final, with the rematch set to happen on Zoom with all participants muted to ensure order.

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• Sport

Frenzied Americans Risk It All to Save $14 on Pokémon Legends: Z-A at Best Buy

Chester P. NonsenseJanuary 30, 2026

Best Buy's one-day $14 discount on Pokémon Legends: Z-A sends Americans into a frenzy, as shoppers line up en masse and analysts predict economic ripples.

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• Sport

Shocking Discovery Reveals American Football Actually Invented by Medieval English Peasants in Full Plate Armor

Larry LiteralistJanuary 29, 2026

A newly released report claims that American football originated with medieval English peasants, prompting the NFL to consider adopting more historically accurate rules.

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• Sport

NFL Announces Super Bowl Flag Football Game, Promises All the Glory of Real Football Without the Risk of Getting Sweaty

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 28, 2026

The NFL and YouTube announce a celebrity flag football game before the Super Bowl, featuring musicians, influencers, and retired athletes in a low-stakes alternative to real football.

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• Sport

Florida Attorney General Demands Nurse’s License for Practicing Voodoo-Level TikTok Hexing

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 27, 2026

Florida's attorney general demands a nurse's license be revoked after she wished a childbirth injury on Trump spokesperson Karoline Leavitt in a viral TikTok.

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• Sport

Millions Nationwide Prepare to Watch AFC Championship Entirely Through Grainy Cellphone Footage After Exhausting Free Trial Options

Larry LiteralistJanuary 26, 2026

Fans nationwide are resorting to elaborate workarounds and cellular improvisations to watch the AFC Championship for free as streaming platforms become increasingly restrictive.

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