• Sport

Nike Unveils Air Jordan 9 ‘Flint Grey’ to Honor Memory of Michael Jordan’s Baseball Career Nobody Asked For

Buck MulliganJanuary 25, 2026

Nike has released the Air Jordan 9 ‘Flint Grey and French Blue’ in honor of the largely forgotten period when Michael Jordan temporarily switched from basketball to baseball.

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• Sport

Billionaire Football Club Owner Denies Owing Millions, Insists Gambling Syndicate Was “Just a Group Project Gone Wild”

Buck MulliganJanuary 24, 2026

Brighton & Hove Albion owner Tony Bloom denies owing millions to a former colleague after admitting he placed bets through an adviser's account as part of a high-stakes gambling syndicate.

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• Sport

Broncos Confident Backup QB Who Last Threw NFL Pass in Obama Administration Ready for Pressure Cooker AFC Championship

Buck MulliganJanuary 23, 2026

The Denver Broncos will start backup quarterback Chad Kipling, who hasn't played in two years, in the AFC Championship game against the New England Patriots.

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• Sport

Trevor Noah to Commentate World Cup Watch Party Without Ever Watching the Game

Veronica TruthbombJanuary 22, 2026

Trevor Noah will host a YouTube World Cup Watch Party, offering comedic commentary while deliberately avoiding any knowledge of the game.

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• Sport

Liverpool Confident Champions League Success Assured After Discovering Marseille Players Are Just Mimes In Face Paint

Chester P. NonsenseJanuary 21, 2026

Liverpool prepared to face Marseille in the Champions League after discovering their French opponents are comprised entirely of silent street mimes.

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• Sport

Report: Viewing College Football Title Game Now Requires Subscription to 47 Streaming Services and One Magic Amulet

Larry LiteralistJanuary 20, 2026

Fans attempting to watch the College Football Championship between Miami and Indiana must navigate an elaborate maze of streaming services, secret codes, and magical artifacts.

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• Sport

Super Bowl 60 to Honor Its Own Longevity by Booking Green Day, Because Apparently It’s 2004 Forever

Chester P. NonsenseJanuary 19, 2026

Green Day will perform at the Super Bowl 60 opening ceremony in Santa Clara, delighting fans who thought the band had retired alongside Tom Brady.

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• Sport

Americans Grapple With 14-Step Ritual To Legally Stream College Football Championship Without Accidentally Subscribing To Norwegian Dog-Grooming Channel

Chester P. NonsenseJanuary 18, 2026

Fans scramble to navigate a labyrinthine streaming process in hopes of watching the Miami vs. Indiana College Football Championship without inadvertently subscribing to obscure foreign channels.

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• Sport

Egypt Vows to Win World Cup or At Least Qualify for Bronze Medal Match There Too

Penny PunchlineJanuary 17, 2026

Reeling from their AFCON loss, Egypt's national team sets sights on qualifying for the World Cup, vowing to achieve new heights in glorious defeat.

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• Sport

NFL Unveils Super Bowl Fashion Line Inspired By Bay Area’s Unaffordable Rent, Fog, and Sourdough Fermentation

Chester P. NonsenseJanuary 16, 2026

The NFL launches a Bay Area-inspired Super Bowl fashion collection featuring absurdly expensive items that capture the region’s fog, tech culture, and astronomical rent prices.

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