MENLO PARK, CA—In a bold demonstration of corporate responsibility, social media giant Meta has agreed to shell out a whopping $18 billion to 29 states in a lawsuit alleging the company knowingly designed Facebook and Instagram to addict children, and has further offered each affected child a complimentary three ‘Like’ restitution package, redeemable on any embarrassing middle school selfie.

“We take the well-being of America’s youth very seriously, almost as seriously as our quarterly earnings report,” explained Meta spokesperson Kendra Gossling, while nervously refreshing her own Instagram notifications. “No amount of money can undo the psychological impacts of relentless dopamine hits, but we felt 18 billion bucks and three Likes apiece should get us most of the way there.”

The settlement also requires Meta to change its Terms of Service from “We own your childhood” to the more family-friendly “We merely lease your dopamine responses.”

California Attorney General Miguel Portillo described the deal as “an important step towards ending the scourge of 12-year-olds posting 73 consecutive mirror selfies at 2 a.m., even if it means the state treasury now has to accept payment in MetaBucks.” He added, “I look forward to using my free Likes on my vacation photos. I deserve this.”

Parents are split on the settlement. San Diego mom Lisa Wemberg told reporters, “I hope Meta uses the money to develop a filter that makes my son’s Fortnite screenshots look more like college applications.”

In response to criticism, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg issued a written statement: “We remain committed to connecting people, even if sometimes those people are just teenagers frantically deleting their digital regrets.”