HAY-ON-WYE, UK — In a bold new approach to corporate accountability, Meta has reportedly launched its innovative ‘Silent Whistleblower’ initiative, as former Facebook executive Sarah Wynn-Williams was forced to appear motionless and mute onstage for the full duration of her Hay Festival panel discussion this Tuesday.

Attendees at the packed marquee stared in fascinated horror as Wynn-Williams, author of the bestselling exposé ‘Careless People’, sat between Carole Cadwalladr and Tim Wu, engaging in a riveting display of tactical blinking and throat-clearing, while lawyers for Meta reportedly watched via livestream, trigger fingers hovering over cease-and-desist buttons.

“She really embodied the spirit of Facebook: present, but not saying anything meaningful,” mused festival-goer Daphne Tunstall, who described the event as “ASMR for the weak-willed.”

Meta spokesbot ‘Eugene’ released a statement: “At Meta, we support transparency. We just need whistleblowers to express themselves exclusively through interpretive dance, semaphore, or Morse code, pending legal review.”

Sources say Cadwalladr attempted to lighten the mood by asking Wynn-Williams to nod twice for ‘yes,’ once for ‘no,’ and stare blankly into the void for ‘all of the above.’ The academic Tim Wu, meanwhile, offered his own support. “Honestly, this was the most coherent Facebook testimony I’ve ever witnessed. I got more out of the silence than from three years of Senate hearings.”

Festival organizers are now considering a new series featuring other embattled tech whistleblowers, entitled ‘Mime Your Story.’ Tickets will include a Meta-approved gag gift bag and a complimentary non-disclosure agreement.