SACRAMENTO, CA — After the Supreme Court’s 6-3 ruling siding with Trump-backed mail-in voting restrictions, California Governor Gavin Newsom announced plans Thursday to sue every branch of government on a rotating basis until he gets the legal outcome he wants, or until he runs out of stationary.

“If at first you don’t succeed, file, file again,” Newsom declared during a press conference outside his office, standing atop a stack of court documents approximately 11 feet tall. “This is America, where if you yell at the legal system long enough, sometimes it gets tired and lets you have your way.”

According to newly released executive guidelines, California will now allocate Mondays for Supreme Court lawsuits, Tuesdays for suing the Electoral College, and Wednesdays for launching legal complaints against anyone who has ever tweeted about mail-in ballots. “We’re taking a holistic litigation approach,” explained state legal advisor Brianna Smugworthy. “If need be, we’ll sue the concept of envelopes itself.”

Critics allege Newsom’s lawsuits are a waste of taxpayer dollars, a claim Newsom denies. “We’re stimulating the economy by keeping lawyers employed,” he insisted. Legal analyst Dr. Bob Lawsuit predicted, “At this rate, the state bar will have to hire interns to process all the motions. It’s the legal equivalent of full employment.”

In response, former president Donald Trump tweeted, “California should focus on surfing, not suing! SAD!”

At press time, Newsom was rumored to be drafting a class-action complaint against gravity, citing its alleged interference with the fair distribution of mail-in ballots.