In a move experts are calling both fiscally responsible and dangerously enabling, the Bose Soundlink Max Bluetooth speaker is experiencing a $120 price drop ahead of the July 4th weekend, prompting millions of Americans to finally realize their dream of broadcasting John Philip Sousa at volumes that make neighborhood pets file noise complaints.

The Soundlink Max, which usually retails at the almost-reasonable price of $399, is now available at Amazon, Best Buy, and Bose’s own website for just $279—a savings the average consumer plans to immediately squander on novelty sunglasses and explosive meats. “It’s waterproof, sand-proof, and emotionally distant, just like my ideal spouse,” said Linda Trawley, a self-described backyard patriot and Soundlink Max owner. “I just wish it would take my calls. Or my mother’s calls. Or anyone’s calls, really.”

While the speaker is praised for its rich sound and ability to outshout even the rowdiest of uncles, some consumers are already expressing outrage that it can’t double as a conference phone. “What am I supposed to do, host my corporate Zoom meeting with a regular speakerphone? It’s 2024, Bose! Where’s my built-in AI therapist?” fumed tech influencer and verified Instagram user Blake S. “And don’t even get me started on the lack of Wi-Fi. My Wi-Fi-connected grill is furious.”

Despite minor grievances about the Soundlink Max’s lack of phone functionality and propensity to show scratches—”It’s like it doesn’t even appreciate my manicured picnic tables,” complained luxury tailgater Chet Dorsey—demand for the discounted speaker is skyrocketing. Bose representatives declined to comment, but issued a press statement simply reading: “Louder. America. Freedom.”