As fireworks prepare to light up the night sky, patriotic Americans are celebrating the true spirit of July 4th: Saving 60% at Best Buy and Amazon on things they definitely need for freedom. With deals so hot they may trigger the fire alarm, the nation’s annual declaration of commercial independence is officially underway.

“Our forefathers fought for the right to buy a 65-inch LG C5 OLED TV for $1,099.99,” said Susan Blevins, who camped outside her local Best Buy since Flag Day. “I may not understand the Constitution, but I know a 120Hz panel with four HDMI 2.1 ports is basically the pursuit of happiness.”

Retailers big and small are doing their patriotic duty. Best Buy proclaimed in its Independence Day email blast, “Nothing says liberty like an Osprey Poco Child Carrier for just $299.99. Don’t let tyranny—or your toddler—slow you down.” Meanwhile, Amazon’s Alexa cheerfully reminded users that freedom isn’t free, but a Glocusent LED Neck Reading Light can be, if you spend $18.99 and are a Prime member.

“It’s about more than discounts,” insisted HomeTech analyst Brad Quiggly. “The Founders wanted us to have the right to assemble—preferably around a discounted home theater system.”

With so many deals, experts warn consumers may be overwhelmed. “Just remember,” Quiggly advised, “your freedom to choose ends at the pre-price hike HomePod. After that, it’s just chaos.”

Across the nation, shoppers stood ready to defend their way of life with credit cards in hand, ensuring liberty, justice, and Apple AirTags for all.