WASHINGTON—Sounding the alarm over what he called a ‘major breach in America’s festive defenses,’ former President Donald Trump on Monday condemned U.S. District Judge Richard Leon’s ruling temporarily blocking construction of a ballroom-slash-rooftop drone launch center atop the White House. Trump warned the prohibition not only endangers the nation but also risks leaving gala attendees without proper unmanned aerial support during slow dances and cake cuttings.

“Our enemies are watching, folks. They know—no ballroom, no drones, no freedom,” Trump stated at a hastily assembled press conference, standing in front of miniature gold-plated models of the proposed Ballroom Defense Complex. “How can we expect to protect America if we can’t even protect the conga line?”

Others echoed the urgency. “Ballroom-based drone defense is a time-honored American tradition, dating all the way back to the War of 1812,” argued self-described security expert Preston Flambe of the Heritage Foundation for Elegant Warfare. “I, for one, refuse to attend any state dinner where the airspace isn’t meticulously patrolled by tuxedoed quadcopters.”

Not all were convinced. White House tour guide Linda Snelling voiced concerns: “We’re already dodging Secret Service and gift shop carts. Add missile-equipped drones over the punch bowl, and it’s a recipe for disaster.”

Still, Trump doubled down on his warnings. “When the Chinese see we can’t even have a drone over the Cha Cha Slide, they’ll invade tomorrow!” he insisted, before promising a ‘Ballroom Drone Surge’ when re-elected.