PALM BEACH, FL — In an exclusive post-arraignment address at Mar-a-Lago, former President Donald Trump clarified his decision to publicly attack Judge Juan Merchan and his family, claiming the remarks were an attempt to forge “genuine, heartfelt chaos-based camaraderie.”

“You know, people keep saying it’s inappropriate to mention the judge’s daughter and wife,” Trump told a crowd of supporters between bites of Trump-branded steak. “But I thought, ‘What better way to break the ice than to say, your family? It worked for Don Rickles, it’ll work for me!’ Honestly, it’s called Rizz. Look it up.”

Political analyst Skyler McDingle of the Institute for Unhinged Rhetoric said, “Trump’s strategy here is classic: when in doubt, make everything weirdly personal. If he could, he’d challenge the judge’s dog to a boxing match.”

Close aide Bruce Parsnips confirmed the approach, adding, “The boss believes people just don’t feel good about you unless they’re a little bit afraid you’ll show up at their kid’s piano recital. That’s power.”

Meanwhile, Vice President of Mar-a-Lago Operations Tiffany Snell marveled at Trump’s technique. “He’s turning the courtroom into open mic night at a roast. Next he’s going to ask the bailiff if his tie came from Walmart.”

Though Judge Merchan has not publicly commented, sources say he has added a parental advisory sticker to his courtroom and is considering a restraining order for next of kin.