• Economy

Americans Now Legally Required To Place $5 Bet On Every Piece Of News Consumed

Larry LiteralistMarch 6, 2026

Following the passage of a new law, Americans are now legally required to place bets on every news event, blurring the lines between journalism, gambling, and civic duty.

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• Economy

Tim Wilson Sells Market Crash Bet, Donates Winnings to Rare ‘LGBT Unicorn Sanctuary’ in Iran

Veronica TruthbombMarch 5, 2026

Shadow treasurer Tim Wilson cashes out minor profits from betting against the Australian stock market and donates the funds to an LGBT rights group in Iran.

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• Economy

UK Economy Braces for Iran Conflict Shockwave, Experts Warn Sandwiches May Cost ‘Up to 20p More’ by 2026

Larry LiteralistMarch 4, 2026

The UK economy faces dire consequences from the Iran conflict, with officials warning that grocery prices and sandwiches may rise by up to 20p, triggering nationwide mild inconvenience.

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• Economy

UK To Combat Climate Change Abroad By Simply Not Going There Anymore

Buck MulliganMarch 3, 2026

The UK announces major cuts to its international climate aid programs, justifying reduced spending with a new 'hands-off' approach to biodiversity protection abroad.

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• Economy
• Politics

BREAKING NEWS!! The world is run by stupid children.

Buck MulliganMarch 2, 2026

In an unprecedented revelation, it turns out that all the leaders of countries and captains of industry are actually particularly unintelligent children. This shocking discovery explains the baffling decisions and global chaos we've witnessed lately, from botched policies to inexplicable corporate strategies.

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• Economy

Paramount-Warner Bros. Merger Leaves Hollywood Producers Hopeful for Bright Future Filled with Even Fewer Original Ideas

Larry LiteralistMarch 2, 2026

Hollywood producers react to the Paramount-Warner Bros. Discovery merger with a mixture of concern and excitement for a future dominated by endless reboots and corporate synergy.

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• Economy

Creator Economy Empowers Every American With WiFi to Launch a Vegan Skin-Care Line by Tuesday

Veronica TruthbombMarch 1, 2026

The creator economy now enables anyone with an internet connection to launch a viral product line, largely replacing traditional marketing with influencer-driven hype.

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• Economy

Britain’s National Mood Still ‘Utterly Meh’ Despite Experts Throwing More Money at It

Chester P. NonsenseFebruary 28, 2026

Official statistics confirm that Britons’ life satisfaction remains stubbornly low despite improving economic conditions.

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• Economy

Camorra Opens State-of-the-Art ‘Drive-Thru Morgue’ at Naples Hospital; Insurance Plans Accepted, Loyalty Points Offered

Penny PunchlineFebruary 27, 2026

Italian police arrested four people for allegedly turning a Naples hospital into a center for mafia-run insurance fraud and illegal corpse transport.

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• Economy

Iranian Leaders Assure Public Their Children’s Lavish London Lifestyles ‘A Vital Part Of Anti-Western Resistance’

Penny PunchlineFebruary 26, 2026

Iranian officials justify funding their children’s lavish Western lifestyles as a form of anti-Western resistance, amid worsening conditions for ordinary Iranians.

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