• Economy

Government Assures Australians They Will Be Comfortably Poor, Not Officially in Recession

Larry LiteralistMarch 16, 2026

Treasurer Jim Chalmers affirms that while Australians will face dramatically increased living costs due to rising inflation, there is no technical recession, offering reassurance with commemorative stress balls and a new government app.

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• Economy

Prediction Markets Urge Americans To Bet On Which Aunt Will Get Drunkest At Thanksgiving Before Gambling On Nobel Prizes

Chester P. NonsenseMarch 15, 2026

Prediction markets are using awards shows like the Oscars to get Americans addicted to betting on everything, from celebrities to their own relatives’ embarrassing behavior.

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• Economy

Food Influencer Launches Podcast to Finally Explain How Family Decides Who Gets Last Chicken Nugget

Gloria HyperboleMarch 14, 2026

Food influencer Keith Lee is launching a podcast with Vox Media, giving listeners an inside look at how his family manages everyday business decisions, including the allocation of household snacks.

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• Economy

‘Share & Share Alike’: UK Banking Apps Embrace Radical Transparency By Letting Everyone See Everyone’s Money

Penny PunchlineMarch 13, 2026

A technical glitch at several UK banks’ apps allowed customers to view other users’ transactions and account balances, prompting an investigation by regulators.

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• Economy

U.S. Declares Inflation ‘Paused for Dramatic Effect,’ Promises Plot Twist Once War Kicks In

Buck MulliganMarch 12, 2026

U.S. officials announce that inflation remains unchanged for now, with reassurances that the real economic impact will begin once the effects of the Iran conflict are felt.

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• Economy

Aramco Warns Oil Market Catastrophe Imminent If World Forced to Use Public Transportation for Two Days

Larry LiteralistMarch 11, 2026

Saudi Aramco warns that ongoing disruptions in the Strait of Hormuz risk catastrophic consequences for global oil supply, with experts fearing Westerners might briefly consider alternative modes of transportation.

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• Economy

UK Government Urges Nation to ‘Simply Stop Using Oil’ Until Middle East Learns Manners

Penny PunchlineMarch 10, 2026

Prime Minister Starmer urges the public to conserve oil and remain calm as surging prices threaten the UK's economy amid ongoing conflict in the Middle East.

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• Economy

Energy Chief Promises Gas Prices Will Drop ‘Any Day Now’ If Everyone Just Closes Their Eyes and Thinks Happy Thoughts

Veronica TruthbombMarch 9, 2026

U.S. Energy Secretary Chris Wright assures Americans that skyrocketing gas prices will fall soon if they think positively, despite ongoing Middle East tensions.

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• Economy

Corvette ZR1X Leaves Million-Dollar Supercars in the Dust, Drivers Finally Able to Afford Midlife Crisis Without Filing for Bankruptcy

Chester P. NonsenseMarch 8, 2026

Chevrolet’s new Corvette ZR1X hybrid outperforms million-dollar supercars, threatening the status of luxury brands and making high-speed midlife crises accessible to the moderately wealthy.

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• Economy

Democrats Blame 92,000 Lost Jobs on Trump’s Shadow, Scientific Phenomenon Known as ‘Pre-Emptive Unemployment’

Gloria HyperboleMarch 7, 2026

Leading Democrats blame a sudden loss of 92,000 jobs in February on former President Donald Trump's mere presence and 'aura,' demanding studies into scientifically dubious phenomena such as 'pre-emptive unemployment.'

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