• Economy

Financial Markets Now 100% Certain RBA Will Ruin Everyone’s Weekend Plans in 2026

Gloria HyperboleDecember 6, 2025

Financial markets are unanimously predicting that the Reserve Bank of Australia will hike interest rates in 2026, sparking widespread panic among homeowners and property investors.

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• Economy

Government Hails Economy’s ‘Incredible’ 0.4% Growth Surge, Promises to Celebrate with 0.4% Larger Cake

Chester P. NonsenseDecember 5, 2025

The Australian government celebrates a modest 0.4% quarterly GDP growth as a sign of explosive economic recovery, promising symbolic festivities to match the achievement.

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• Economy

Private Payrolls Vanish After Payrolls Realize No One Actually Knows What They Do

Chester P. NonsenseDecember 4, 2025

U.S. private payrolls unexpectedly dropped by 32,000 in November as confusion over job functions led to a mass vanishing of roles.

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• Economy

UK Chancellor’s Speech Technically Not ‘Misleading,’ Merely ‘Adorably Optimistic,’ Say Experts

Veronica TruthbombDecember 3, 2025

The OBR reassures Parliament that Chancellor Reeves’s recent speech was not misleading, but rather exuberantly optimistic about the UK's economic challenges.

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• Economy

Credit Suisse, UBS Charged in Tuna Bond Scandal; Swiss Prosecutors Demand All Future Fraud Involve More Sophisticated Fish

Veronica TruthbombDecember 2, 2025

Swiss prosecutors have charged Credit Suisse and UBS over money-laundering and organizational failures in the 'tuna bonds' scandal that devastated Mozambique's economy.

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• Economy

Indonesian Box Office Prays to Fourteen Different Gods for Stable Revenue, Still Experiences Fluctuations

Gloria HyperboleDecember 1, 2025

Indonesia's film industry continues to struggle with unpredictable box office returns despite employing increasingly outlandish strategies for growth.

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• Economy

Man Buys Rapid Pro Power Bank, Accidentally Reboots Entire Neighborhood Grid

Chester P. NonsenseNovember 30, 2025

Ecoflow's ultra-powerful Rapid Pro Power Bank is discounted for Black Friday, giving consumers the ability to charge devices—and possibly disrupt local power grids—from the comfort of their own homes.

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• Economy

Downing Street Denies Chancellor Reeves Misled Public, Blames Ferret for Budget Calculations

Chester P. NonsenseNovember 29, 2025

Downing Street denies accusations that Chancellor Reeves misled the public about tax rises, attributing budget calculation discrepancies to a mischievous office ferret.

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• Economy

Starmer Insists Budget is ‘Manifesto-Adjacent’, Promises Not to Break Any Pledges Without At Least a Six-Month Cooling-Off Period

Chester P. NonsenseNovember 28, 2025

Keir Starmer defends his government's budget as being consistent with the spirit, if not the letter, of Labour's manifesto tax pledges, while promising all future pledge-breaking will include a courteous notification period.

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• Economy

Reeves Freezes Tax Thresholds, Assures Public ‘Semantics Are Just Another Kind of Math’

Veronica TruthbombNovember 27, 2025

Chancellor Rachel Reeves defended freezing income tax thresholds by arguing it does not breach Labour’s manifesto promise, provided everyone agrees to avoid discussing technicalities, words, or basic arithmetic.

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