• Economy

City Watchdog Sues Neil Woodford For Boldly Advising Britons To Place Entire Life Savings In Magic Beans

Veronica TruthbombJune 9, 2026

The UK's financial regulator sues former investment star Neil Woodford for allegedly giving unauthorised and highly questionable online financial advice through his UAE-based company.

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• Economy

IDF Announces New ‘Stop-And-Infant’ Protocols After Family Vehicle Successfully Complies With All Orders

Gloria HyperboleJune 8, 2026

Israeli troops shot and killed a seven-month-old Palestinian baby in Hebron after firing on a family car that had complied with orders to stop.

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• Economy

IDF Introduces New ‘Stop And Shoot’ Policy, Cites Efficiency: ‘Why Waste Time With The Whole Arrest Thing?’

Gloria HyperboleJune 7, 2026

Israeli troops shot and killed a seven-month-old Palestinian baby and injured his parents after firing on their family car in the West Bank, despite the car complying with an order to stop.

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• Economy

Australian Housing Market Now So Cold, Real Estate Agents Forced To Wear Parkas During Open Houses

Chester P. NonsenseJune 6, 2026

Australia's property market cools to historic lows after government tax reforms, with open houses resembling Antarctic expeditions and real estate agents demanding thermal gear allowances.

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• Economy

Elon Musk Declares Himself ‘Trillionaire Emperor’ as SpaceX IPO Promises Riches, Mars Colonies, and Complimentary Blue Checks for All Investors

Gloria HyperboleJune 5, 2026

Elon Musk announces the SpaceX IPO will make him the world's first trillionaire, re-writing corporate rules and awarding investors blue checks and a stake in his Mars colony dreams.

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• Economy

U.S. Imposes 25% Tariffs on Brazil to Punish Them for Selling Too Much to America and Not Enough the Other Way Around

Larry LiteralistJune 4, 2026

The Trump administration proposed 25% tariffs on Brazil, claiming unfair trade practices despite a U.S. trade surplus.

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• Economy

Paramount Lawyer Calls Any Disagreement With $111 Billion Merger ‘Antisemitic, Anti-Popcorn, Possibly Anti-Gravity’

Gloria HyperboleJune 3, 2026

Paramount's legal chief alleges all opposition to the Paramount-Skydance $111 billion Warner Bros. merger is rooted in antisemitic, anti-popcorn, and anti-gravity sentiment.

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• Economy

Nation In Shock As Property Investors Forced To Consider Concept Of ‘Value For Money’

Veronica TruthbombJune 2, 2026

Australian property investors enter a state of confusion as falling prices force them to evaluate real estate on actual value instead of speculative gains.

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• Economy

Arm CEO To Receive Billion-Dollar Bonus If Company Achieves Unimaginable, Clearly-Impossible Growth; Also, If He Discovers Cure For Baldness

Penny PunchlineJune 1, 2026

Arm CEO Rene Haas is offered a billion-dollar payday if he can catapult the chipmaker to a trillion-dollar valuation by hitting wildly ambitious growth targets.

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• Economy

NHL Braces for Record-Low Ratings As Vegas and Carolina Prepare to Compete for Stanley Cup in Witness Protection Program

Gloria HyperboleMay 31, 2026

The NHL braces for a likely ratings disaster as the Vegas Golden Knights and Carolina Hurricanes, two small-market teams, prepare for a Stanley Cup Final that is expected to reach an audience measured in the dozens.

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