Larry Literalist - Big Daddy's Truth Factory

Paul Thomas Anderson Demands All Phantom Thread Music Be Removed From Any Situation Involving Melania, Polyester, or American Cheese Slices

Larry LiteralistFebruary 10, 2026

Director Paul Thomas Anderson and composer Jonny Greenwood have demanded all Phantom Thread music be excised from a Melania Trump documentary, citing artistic purity and polyester-related objections.

Super Bowl Champion Barry Wilburn Heroically Forgets That Stop, Drop, and Roll Isn’t for Winning Championships

Larry LiteralistFebruary 10, 2026

Super Bowl champion Barry Wilburn dies in a house fire after reportedly using football strategies instead of standard fire safety protocols.

Netflix-Warner Bros. Merger Sparks Mass Panic in Streamers, Peacock Rumored to Offer Free Therapy With Subscription

Larry LiteralistFebruary 9, 2026

Rival streaming services scramble to survive after Netflix merges with Warner Bros., with some offering perks like free therapy in response to the escalating streaming wars.

NSA Intercepts Suspicious Call; Tulsi Gabbard Delivers Intelligence to White House Via Secret Ninja Scroll Technique

Larry LiteralistFebruary 8, 2026

DNI Tulsi Gabbard bypassed standard procedure by physically delivering intercepted NSA intelligence about a Trump associate's call with foreign agents directly to the White House chief of staff.

Michael Bay Sues Cadillac for Using Explosions, Fast Cars, and America in Super Bowl Ad, Cites Trademark on ‘Loud Stuff Going Fast’

Larry LiteralistFebruary 8, 2026

Director Michael Bay sues Cadillac for allegedly stealing his patented style of explosions and fast cars in their Super Bowl commercial.

Alexa App Redesign So Unusable Man Forced to Remember Groceries Like It’s 2011

Larry LiteralistFebruary 7, 2026

After Alexa's latest redesign renders its app unusable, a man abandons Amazon's digital assistant and reluctantly turns to Siri—and his own memory—to remember what groceries to buy.

Trump Welcomes Persecuted Christians to White House, Promises Free Parking Validation and Complimentary MAGA Hats

Larry LiteralistFebruary 6, 2026

President Trump welcomed persecuted Christians to the White House, offering them free parking validation and commemorative MAGA hats as part of his administration's efforts to address religious persecution.

Americans Discover Rugby Exists After Accidentally Leaving NBC On After the Curling Semi-Finals

Larry LiteralistFebruary 6, 2026

Millions of Americans unknowingly discover rugby while leaving their TVs tuned to NBC after the Winter Olympics coverage, prompting confusion and unexpected exposure for the Six Nations Championship.

Hollywood Honored for ‘Courageously’ Retelling Polanski Scandal From Slightly Less Terrible Perspective This Time

Larry LiteralistFebruary 3, 2026

The new film 'The Girl' will retell the Roman Polanski rape scandal from the perspective of victim Samantha Geimer, prompting Hollywood to cautiously praise the novel approach of letting the victim speak.

FIFA President Apologizes for Jokes About British Fans; Reassures Nation ‘It’s Okay to Boo at Anything, Even Me’

Larry LiteralistFebruary 3, 2026

FIFA president Gianni Infantino apologizes for joking about the cheerlessness of British football fans, leading to widespread outrage and new support measures for traumatized supporters.

Big Daddy's Truth Factory

Author: Larry Literalist