• Technology

Americans Celebrate Amazon’s Big Spring Sale, Prepare for Season of Buying Useless Crap Between Buying More Useless Crap

Gloria HyperboleMarch 28, 2026

Americans enthusiastically participate in Amazon’s Big Spring Sale, eagerly snapping up marginally discounted gadgets to fill the consumer void between other major shopping holidays.

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• Technology

Amazon’s Big Spring Sale Promises Life-Changing Savings of Up to $6 on Devices You Already Own

Larry LiteralistMarch 27, 2026

Amazon launches its Big Spring Sale, offering shoppers modest discounts on gadgets they probably already own in what experts call a landmark event in seasonal retail hysteria.

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• Technology

Trump’s New Tech Panel to Determine If AI Can Become American Citizen by 2025

Larry LiteralistMarch 26, 2026

President Trump appoints a tech panel including Mark Zuckerberg and Jensen Huang to advise on AI policy and whether artificial intelligence should have citizenship and pay taxes.

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• Technology

Apple Watch SE 3 Now So Cheap Even Your Wrist Can Afford One

Chester P. NonsenseMarch 25, 2026

Apple's affordable Watch SE 3 brings luxury smartwatch features to the masses, making digital wrist coverage accessible for all.

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• Technology

AI Startup Unveils New ‘Unauthorized Expert Mode’—Now You Can Get Life Advice From AI-Generated Oprah, Too

Gloria HyperboleMarch 24, 2026

Superhuman (formerly Grammarly) launched and then killed a feature that let users receive AI-generated advice from unauthorized clones of real experts, causing outrage and legal threats.

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• Technology

Americans Urged to Stockpile Discounted Gadgets Before Next Sale Event in 17 Minutes

Penny PunchlineMarch 23, 2026

Amazon's Big Spring Sale prompts Americans to frantically stock up on barely discounted gadgets before the next major sale event inevitably begins.

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• Technology

Americans Break Into Tears as AirPods Pro 3 Discount Gives Flicker of Hope in Dystopian Hellscape

Veronica TruthbombMarch 22, 2026

Apple has stunned consumers nationwide by discounting the AirPods Pro 3 to $199.99, a move heralded as a rare beacon of hope in an otherwise bleak consumer landscape.

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• Technology

Google’s Nest Doorbell Now Alerts You If Your Package Is Feeling Lonely, $40 Off for a Limited Time

Chester P. NonsenseMarch 21, 2026

Google discounts its Nest Doorbell, allowing users to receive ever-more detailed notifications about the emotional state and presence of packages and visitors at their door.

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• Technology

Meta Heroically Decides to Keep VR Metaverse Running for Dozens of Users Who Actually Noticed

Penny PunchlineMarch 20, 2026

Meta reverses course and decides to keep its VR metaverse, Horizon Worlds, operational for the small but passionate number of users still asking for more virtual chairs.

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• Technology

Americans Rushed To Buy 18th Smart Speaker At Historic Lows, Experts Warn Nation’s Homes Now 94% Speaker By Volume

Larry LiteralistMarch 19, 2026

Americans nationwide frantically purchase discounted smart speakers and cleaning robots during Amazon’s Big Spring Sale, resulting in homes densely populated by voice assistants and devices.

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