• Technology

Americans Rushing to Buy $1,999 MacBook Pro So They Can Finally Afford $100 Best Buy Gift Card

Penny PunchlineMarch 8, 2026

Americans are eagerly preordering expensive new Apple devices in order to receive free store gift cards, which are now widely considered the nation’s most valuable asset.

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• Technology

Nation Breathlessly Monitors iPad Prices, Hopes to Save Enough for Third-Party Charging Cable

Buck MulliganMarch 7, 2026

Americans eagerly track iPad deals in hopes of saving enough to afford both a new tablet and possibly a non-Apple charging cable.

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• Technology

Meta’s AI Glasses Help Kenyan Reviewers Achieve PhD in Western Bathroom Rituals

Larry LiteralistMarch 6, 2026

Meta's AI smart glasses have reportedly been sending users’ sensitive footage, including intimate moments, to human reviewers in Kenya for 'quality control,' raising privacy concerns and sparking legal action.

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• Technology

Google Slashes Price of Pixel 10 to $599, Admits Phone Was Just $200 Worth of Blue LEDs All Along

Gloria HyperboleMarch 5, 2026

Google cuts the Pixel 10’s price by $200, promoting its high-tech features and blue LEDs as essential life improvements.

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• Technology

Amazon Launches New Kindle For Kids, Finally Allows Children To Experience Anxiety Over Limited-Time Discounts

Chester P. NonsenseMarch 4, 2026

Amazon discounts its entire kid-friendly Kindle line, enabling children to experience the anxiety of limited-time sales and minor pricing differences for the first time.

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• Technology

Zillow CEO Celebrates Housing Crisis Milestone: ‘We’re Now the Netflix of Crushing Dreams’

Larry LiteralistMarch 3, 2026

Zillow celebrates its 20th anniversary by unveiling new AI tech designed to enhance user disappointment and streamline the home-buying heartbreak experience.

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• Technology

Nation Unites for Annual ‘Deals You Will Never Finish Unpacking’ Weekend Extravaganza

Veronica TruthbombMarch 2, 2026

Americans nationwide scramble to buy discounted gadgets and games during the weekend 'deal extravaganza,' rapidly accumulating high-tech products they will most likely misplace or forget by spring.

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• Technology

Man Chooses $234 Instant Camera Over Phone So He Can Experience Nostalgic Disappointment in Real Time

Larry LiteralistMarch 1, 2026

A man buys an expensive instant camera to deliberately relive the inefficiency and photo disappointment of the analog era, despite having a smartphone with vastly better capabilities.

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• Technology

Pentagon Outraged As AI Company Refuses To Let Them Use Chatbot For Light, Casual Drone Strikes

Veronica TruthbombFebruary 28, 2026

Anthropic refuses Pentagon demands to give unrestricted access to its AI, preventing the military from using it for casual, legally sanctioned drone strikes.

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• Technology

Microsoft Promises Xbox ‘Better Than Ever’ Under New AI Chief Who Thinks ‘Halo’ is a Health Drink

Larry LiteralistFebruary 27, 2026

Microsoft places Xbox in the hands of AI executive Asha Sharma, promising a revolutionary gaming future despite her thinking 'Master Chief' is a job title.

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