• Entertainment

‘Send Help’ Film Title Misinterpreted as Actual Plea, Moviegoers Flock to Cinemas Out of Sheer Concern

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 31, 2026

Sam Raimi’s new horror movie 'Send Help' draws unexpectedly high preview attendance as thousands misinterpret the film’s title as an actual distress call.

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• Entertainment

Noah Kahan Drops Fourth Album ‘The Great Divide,’ Promises to Heal Nation by Making Everyone Equally Sad

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 29, 2026

Noah Kahan announces his fourth album, ‘The Great Divide,’ promising to unite Americans through shared emotional devastation and record-breaking levels of pensive brooding.

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• Technology

Amazon To Roll Out ‘No Hassle Returns’ Settlement: Refunds Now Processed Via Glitter-Filled Apology Cannons

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 28, 2026

Amazon settles a lawsuit by agreeing to pay millions to customers, introducing an extravagant system to deliver refunds directly and undeniably to their homes.

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• Entertainment

Melissa Gilbert Breaks Five-Minute Silence as Hollywood Launches ‘Least Problematic Actor’ Lottery After Busfield Arrest

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 28, 2026

Melissa Gilbert issues public remarks following husband Timothy Busfield’s arrest, as Hollywood scrambles to find a single actor with an unblemished reputation.

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• Sport

NFL Announces Super Bowl Flag Football Game, Promises All the Glory of Real Football Without the Risk of Getting Sweaty

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 28, 2026

The NFL and YouTube announce a celebrity flag football game before the Super Bowl, featuring musicians, influencers, and retired athletes in a low-stakes alternative to real football.

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• Politics

Trump Dispatches ‘Border Czar’ to Minnesota After Reports of Suspiciously Large Number of Norwegian-Americans

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 27, 2026

Donald Trump announced he will send Tom Homan to Minnesota to address alleged border-related issues, despite widespread confusion from locals and political observers.

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• Sport

Florida Attorney General Demands Nurse’s License for Practicing Voodoo-Level TikTok Hexing

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 27, 2026

Florida's attorney general demands a nurse's license be revoked after she wished a childbirth injury on Trump spokesperson Karoline Leavitt in a viral TikTok.

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• Politics

Trump Threatens Canada With 100% Tariff, Demands Apology for Maple Syrup Exports

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 26, 2026

Donald Trump threatened to slap a 100% tariff on all Canadian imports if Canada pursues a trade agreement with China, while also boasting that the U.S. had seized and would process Venezuelan oil.

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• Entertainment

‘Special Ops’ Season 2 Viewership Surpasses Population of India, JioHotstar Promises Free Spy Training for All Citizens

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 26, 2026

‘Special Ops’ Season 2 becomes the most-watched streaming original in India, drawing unprecedented viewership numbers and prompting JioHotstar to offer spy training to citizens.

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• Entertainment

Charli XCX Pleads for Someone, Anyone, to Stop Her Album ‘Brat’ During Sundance Q&A: ‘Please, Make It End’

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 25, 2026

Charli XCX begs for her upcoming album 'Brat' to be stopped during a Sundance Q&A, lamenting its unstoppable progress and her own inability to escape its clutches.

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