• Entertainment

Venice Unveils ‘Kardashian Jetty Experience’—Tourists Pay €150 to Touch Plank Graced by Reality Royalty

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 17, 2026

Venice's formerly unnoticed jetty has become a tourism sensation after Kim Kardashian set foot on it during Jeff Bezos's lavish wedding, prompting visitors to pay premium prices for 'celebrity plank' experiences.

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• Technology

Elon Musk Sues OpenAI for Remembering His ‘Nonprofit Feelings,’ Demands Compensation in Pure, Uncut Altruism

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 17, 2026

Elon Musk’s lawsuit against OpenAI, accusing the company of abandoning its nonprofit roots, will proceed to a jury trial over what Musk calls 'forgotten vibes' and 'unmet altruism quotas.'

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• Technology

Google Promises Gemini AI Will Know You Better Than Your Own Mother, Promises To Judge You Less

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 15, 2026

Google has announced that its Gemini AI will use data from users’ Gmail, Search, Google Photos, and YouTube history to provide hyper-personalized responses.

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• Sport

Amazon Greenlights New Animated Series Predicting Gig Economy Will Survive Sun’s Death, Heat Death of Universe

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 15, 2026

Amazon Prime Video announces 'Odd Jobs,' an animated comedy set in a future where gig workers still struggle to survive in a hyper-capitalist dystopia.

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• Politics

Smithsonian Unveils Interactive Trump Portrait: Scowl Deepens When Impeachment Mentioned

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 12, 2026

The Smithsonian’s National Portrait Gallery replaced Donald Trump’s portrait and quietly removed any reference to his impeachments or the January 6th attack from the display’s description.

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• Politics

Nation’s Institutions Shocked to Learn Easiest Way to Handle Trump Is Just Doing Whatever He Says

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 12, 2026

U.S. institutions have found it far easier to yield to President Trump's every demand, prompting experts and citizens alike to worry about the future of American democracy.

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• Politics

Nepal’s Politics Officially Becomes Reality Show As Ex-Rapper Mayor, TV Host Form Hip-Hop Coalition Government

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 8, 2026

Nepal’s Kathmandu mayor, a former rapper, and a TV host have formed a youth-driven political alliance, promising unconventional reforms after widespread protests ousted the previous government.

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• Politics

White House Threatens to Deploy Troops, Pokémon Cards in High-Stakes Bid to Acquire Greenland

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 8, 2026

The White House confirms it is considering both military force and a collection of rare Pokémon cards in ongoing efforts to acquire Greenland from Denmark.

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• Entertainment

Foo Fighters Guitarist Sidelined After Vicious Attack by Rogue Chrysanthemum: Band Warns Fans of ‘Gardening Epidemic’

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 8, 2026

Foo Fighters guitarist Pat Smear will miss upcoming tour dates after sustaining a foot injury in a so-called 'bizarre gardening accident,' prompting the band to warn fans about the dangers of aggressive plant life.

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• Economy

Israel Reassures World That New West Bank Settlement Absolutely Final Nail in Coffin of Two-State Solution, ‘For Real This Time’

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 7, 2026

Israel advances construction of a vast West Bank settlement project aimed at definitively blocking the formation of a contiguous Palestinian state.

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