• Politics

Trump Shocked To Learn Presidential Pardons Do Not Come With Complimentary MAGA Starter Pack

Penny PunchlineDecember 8, 2025

Donald Trump expressed outrage after pardoned Democrat Henry Cuellar declined to join the Republican Party, revealing Trump's belief that clemency should come with guaranteed party loyalty.

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• Sport

Transgender Athlete Claims Teammate’s C In Algebra Caused By ‘Negative Vibes’ From Cafeteria Salad

Penny PunchlineDecember 8, 2025

A former SJSU trans athlete alleged that a teammate’s eating habits and academic downturn were caused by cafeteria salads and locker room energy, sparking widespread confusion.

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• Entertainment

Netflix Acquires Warner Bros, Promises To Replace All Classic Films With Unskippable ‘Love Is Blind’ Marathons

Penny PunchlineDecember 7, 2025

Netflix has announced the acquisition of Warner Bros Discovery, with plans to integrate classic films into its reality TV-dominated programming lineup.

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• Technology

Nation Urged to Buy Nintendo Switch 2, Ninja Creami, and Smart Glasses Before They Revert to Useless Doorstops at Midnight

Penny PunchlineDecember 7, 2025

Americans are pressured to snap up hot Cyber Monday deals on the Nintendo Switch 2, Ninja Creami, and Echo Frames before the discounts—and possibly their social status—disappear forever.

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• Entertainment

Marjorie Taylor Greene Swaps Capitol Hill for Rose Garden, Declares War on Politically Correct Dating as Next ‘The Bachelorette’ Contestant

Penny PunchlineDecember 4, 2025

In a bold and unexpected pivot, Marjorie Taylor Greene is set to become the next contestant on 'The Bachelorette,' bringing MAGA values and unfiltered honesty to prime-time reality TV. Her quest for love is being hailed by supporters as the ultimate red-pill moment for America’s toughest culture warrior.

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• Entertainment

Tarantino Names Paul Dano ‘Weakest F—ing Actor in SAG,’ Demands Daniel Day-Lewis Be Digitally Added to All Scenes in History

Penny PunchlineDecember 4, 2025

Quentin Tarantino sparked outrage by attacking Paul Dano’s acting and calling for Daniel Day-Lewis to be digitally inserted into every movie scene featuring Dano.

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• Technology

Report: Best Switch 2 Controller Is Last One You Haven’t Bought Yet

Penny PunchlineDecember 4, 2025

A gaming expert concludes that the best Nintendo Switch 2 controller is always the next one you haven't bought yet, as manufacturers race to add increasingly absurd features.

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• Sport

Russia Declares Triumphant ‘Capture’ Of Pokrovsk, Now Eyeing World Domination Via Empty Apartment Blocks

Penny PunchlineDecember 3, 2025

Russia announces the capture of Pokrovsk, touting it as a major victory despite ambiguity over the city’s actual significance.

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• Politics

Kai Trump Reveals Secret to Surviving Internet Trolls: ‘Inherited Unshakable Self-Esteem, Plus Muting Half the Country’

Penny PunchlineDecember 1, 2025

Kai Trump explains that she deals with negative social media comments through unwavering self-confidence, a supportive family, and selectively blocking critics.

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• Politics

Trump Administration Announces ‘Opposite Day’ Cabinet: Election Deniers to Lead Election Integrity, Foxes Eyed for Henhouse Security Roles

Penny PunchlineNovember 30, 2025

Prominent individuals who previously tried to overturn the 2020 U.S. election are now leading key federal roles in election oversight and civil rights offices.

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