• Economy

China Achieves $1 Trillion Trade Surplus, Offers to Buy Rest of World Just to Save Everyone the Trouble

Buck MulliganJanuary 16, 2026

China posted a historic $1 trillion trade surplus in 2025, leading Beijing to propose purchasing the rest of the world to streamline global commerce.

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• Economy

China Celebrates Trillion-Dollar Trade Surplus By Offering To Buy Most Of Ohio, Several Medium-Sized Clouds

Chester P. NonsenseJanuary 15, 2026

China posts a record trillion-dollar trade surplus in 2025 and considers purchasing parts of the U.S. and non-tangible assets, as American tariffs fail to slow Chinese exports.

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• Economy

NSW Government Shocked To Discover Tax Policies Explicitly Designed To Inflate Housing Market Actually Inflate Housing Market

Larry LiteralistJanuary 14, 2026

NSW Government calls for review of capital gains tax discount after discovering it may actually be worsening the housing affordability crisis.

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• Economy

Trump Urges Fed to Cut Interest Rates Until Dollar Becomes Legal Monopoly Money

Larry LiteralistJanuary 13, 2026

Analysts warn that Trump’s efforts to pressure the Federal Reserve into drastic interest rate cuts could lead to runaway inflation and global economic chaos.

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• Economy

GameStop Unveils Bold New Strategy: Close Every Store, Hope for $100 Billion Market Cap Anyway

Buck MulliganJanuary 12, 2026

GameStop announces plans to close over 400 stores in a continued push to cut costs and reach a $100 billion market cap, with CEO Ryan Cohen potentially earning $35 billion in stock options if the company succeeds.

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• Economy

Iranian Bazaar Merchants Protest After Realizing You Can’t Barter Carpets For Wi-Fi Anymore

Penny PunchlineJanuary 11, 2026

Tehran’s bazaar merchants launch unprecedented protests, demanding the restoration of their traditional economic power in the face of modern technology and state regulations.

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• Economy

Power Bank Designed to Snap in Half Brings Joy to Millennials Raised on Sharing Trauma and KitKats

Penny PunchlineJanuary 10, 2026

Nimble’s new Champ Stack 10K is a breakable power bank designed for people who want to share battery life without sharing generosity.

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• Economy

Government Announces Bold New Pub Policy: ‘Well, You Should Have Complained Louder, Shouldn’t You?’

Chester P. NonsenseJanuary 9, 2026

The UK government unveils a lukewarm business rates U-turn for pubs, prompting criticism from Conservative leader Kemi Badenoch and confusion among pub owners.

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• Economy

UK LGBTQ+ Charities Advised to Rebrand as Hedge Funds to Attract Corporate Donations

Veronica TruthbombJanuary 8, 2026

The UK's largest LGBTQ+ charities, facing a steep drop in corporate donations, consider rebranding as hedge funds to attract much-needed financial support.

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• Economy

Israel Reassures World That New West Bank Settlement Absolutely Final Nail in Coffin of Two-State Solution, ‘For Real This Time’

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 7, 2026

Israel advances construction of a vast West Bank settlement project aimed at definitively blocking the formation of a contiguous Palestinian state.

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