• Politics

RFK Jr. Demands Congressional Inquiry Into How Trump Is Still Alive After Consuming Nothing But KFC and Diet Coke Since 2016

Larry LiteralistJanuary 15, 2026

Health Secretary RFK Jr. calls for an official investigation into President Trump's inexplicable survival despite his notoriously unhealthy diet.

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• Politics

Trump Vows to Defend Greenland From Invasion, Mobilizes Coast Guard’s Only Snowmobile

Larry LiteralistJanuary 15, 2026

Donald Trump renews his campaign to acquire Greenland, citing national security, as US officials scramble to prepare a single snowmobile for Arctic patrols.

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• Politics

UK Announces Revolutionary Voluntary-Mandatory Digital ID: Citizens Encouraged, Then Required, To Opt In

Chester P. NonsenseJanuary 15, 2026

The UK government unveils a digital ID scheme that is both voluntary and mandatory, confusing citizens while enraging privacy advocates and delighting surveillance enthusiasts.

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• Politics

Trump Assures Iranian Protesters That U.S. Support Will Arrive ‘Any Minute Now, Just Hang Tight for a Couple Decades’

Buck MulliganJanuary 14, 2026

Donald Trump issued a bold promise to Iranian protesters that help from the United States is imminent, though sources confirm it largely consists of social media encouragement and patriotic merchandise.

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• Politics

China Threatens To Retaliate By Imposing 25% Tariff On All U.S. Tweets About Iran

Veronica TruthbombJanuary 14, 2026

China threatens to impose tariffs on American tweets mentioning Iran in retaliation for President Trump’s new 25% tariffs on countries trading with Iran.

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• Politics

Trump Sues BBC for $10 Billion, Demands Right to Personally Narrate Every Future Documentary About Himself

Larry LiteralistJanuary 14, 2026

Donald Trump has filed a $10 billion lawsuit against the BBC over alleged distortions in a documentary, demanding the right to narrate all future BBC programming about himself.

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• Politics

Meta Welcomes Former Trump Adviser to Help Platform Navigate Complex World of Facts, Truth, Reality

Veronica TruthbombJanuary 13, 2026

Meta has appointed ex-Trump adviser Dina Powell McCormick as president and vice chairman to help guide its strategy, drawing praise from former President Trump.

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• Politics

White House Fundraisers Ask Microsoft to Chip In for ‘Ballroom 365’ Project, Suggest Naming Rights to ‘Clippy’ Wing

Larry LiteralistJanuary 13, 2026

White House fundraisers approached Microsoft to donate towards a $300 million privately funded ballroom, hinting at incentives like naming rights and digital branding privileges.

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• Politics

Nation Unites To Protect Jerome Powell, Last Known Practitioner Of Dark, Mysterious ‘Economics’

Penny PunchlineJanuary 13, 2026

Democrats, Republicans, and former Fed chairs unite to condemn a criminal investigation into Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell, amid fears the central bank could fall under the control of a presidential sock puppet.

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• Politics

Smithsonian Unveils Interactive Trump Portrait: Scowl Deepens When Impeachment Mentioned

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 12, 2026

The Smithsonian’s National Portrait Gallery replaced Donald Trump’s portrait and quietly removed any reference to his impeachments or the January 6th attack from the display’s description.

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