• Politics

Desperate Canada Launches Secret ‘Operation Maple Palm,’ Sends Citizens to Discipline American Teens

Larry LiteralistJuly 16, 2026

A Canadian woman was detained by ICE after allegedly slapping a Trump-supporting teen in New Jersey, sparking rumors of a covert Canadian campaign to discipline American youth.

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• Politics

Senate Prepares for ‘Come-to-Jesus’ Moment, Considers ID Requirement to Enter Voting Booth and All Golden Corrals

Penny PunchlineJuly 16, 2026

Republican senators introduce a plan to require extensive voter identification, including photo ID, trivia quizzes, and DNA samples, as part of new election integrity measures paired with grant funding for states.

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• Politics

Trump Ramps Up Legal Defense By Insulting Judge’s Family, Announcing Plan to Roast Courtroom on Next Netflix Special

Penny PunchlineJuly 15, 2026

After his arraignment, Donald Trump unveils a new legal strategy by publicly attacking the presiding judge and his family during a Mar-a-Lago speech.

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• Politics

U.S. Demands International Court Only Prosecute Crimes Happening Somewhere Else

Penny PunchlineJuly 15, 2026

The Trump administration announces plans to 'systematically disable' the International Criminal Court while the EU insists international law should also apply to Americans.

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• Politics

Trump Offers Gulf States All-Access Pass to Strait of Hormuz in Exchange For ‘Huge, Beautiful’ Casino Investment

Veronica TruthbombJuly 15, 2026

President Trump abandons plans to charge tolls at the Strait of Hormuz after Gulf states agree to invest heavily in U.S. projects, while Iranian ships face continued blockade and rising tensions push up global oil prices.

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• Politics

Trump Declares Himself ‘Lord of the Strait of Hormuz,’ Promises Discounted Toll for MAGA Hats

Gloria HyperboleJuly 14, 2026

Donald Trump reimposes Iran blockade and declares himself the 'Guardian of the Strait of Hormuz,' instituting a tariff and offering MAGA-themed toll discounts.

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• Politics

Trump Suggests Senate Vacancy Be Filled By Closest Available Graham, Including Family Pets If Necessary

Chester P. NonsenseJuly 14, 2026

Donald Trump has requested that Darline Graham Nordone, Lindsey Graham’s sister, be appointed to complete her brother’s Senate term, with officials considering other Graham relatives or pets if she declines.

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• Politics

Trump Announces All Ships Passing Through Strait of Hormuz Now Subject to $5 Toll, Free Big Mac with Every 10th Crossing

Chester P. NonsenseJuly 14, 2026

Donald Trump unveils a plan to charge ships a toll for passing through the Strait of Hormuz, complete with fast-food incentives, as regional tensions escalate.

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• Politics

Congress Unites in Mourning as Capitol Flags Lowered to Half-Staff, Starbucks Runs Out of Latte Orders for Lindsey Graham Memorial

Gloria HyperboleJuly 13, 2026

After Senator Lindsey Graham’s sudden death, Congress erupts into competitive mourning and South Carolina prepares for an American Idol-style contest to fill his seat.

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• Politics

Trump Assures Strait of Hormuz Wide Open, Ignores Google Maps Showing ‘Road Closed’ Sign and Cones

Gloria HyperboleJuly 13, 2026

Donald Trump claimed the Strait of Hormuz was open to commercial traffic despite Iran's closure and lack of visible ship movement, causing global confusion.

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