• Politics

Court Rules Kennedy Center Must Survive Without ‘Trump Kennedy Center for the Dramatic Arts, Golf, and Taco Bowls’ Name

Larry LiteralistJuly 9, 2026

A federal appeals court ruled that the Kennedy Center does not need to restore Donald Trump's name to its title, rejecting claims that the center would suffer financially without it.

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• Politics

Trump Officially Ends Ceasefire After Realizing Iran Still Exists

Penny PunchlineJuly 9, 2026

President Trump ended the US-Iran ceasefire, calling Iran's leaders 'scum,' as both sides resume attacks and oil prices climb.

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• Politics

Trump Arrives at NATO Summit, Offers to Sell Alaska for ‘Two Likes and a Retweet,’ Suggests Spain Invade Portugal for Morale Boost

Penny PunchlineJuly 9, 2026

At the latest NATO summit, Donald Trump floated plans to let Ukraine make its own missiles, reignited his Greenland takeover idea, and offered foreign policy advice equating churchillian leadership with yelling and cigar-eating.

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• Politics

Judge Rules Tabloids Just Magically Know Everything, Cites ‘Majestic Journalistic Intuition’

Larry LiteralistJuly 8, 2026

A judge has dismissed claims from Prince Harry and other celebrities that a tabloid unlawfully gathered their information, ruling the journalists likely obtained it through entirely legal, possibly supernatural means.

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• Politics

Embattled Maine Senate Candidate Clings to Shred of Campaign Literature as Party Leaders Insist He Hand Over Staples Rewards Card

Larry LiteralistJuly 8, 2026

Under pressure from party leaders following an allegation of sexual assault, Maine Senate candidate Graham Platner faces mounting calls to withdraw and hand over all remaining campaign assets.

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• Politics

Prince Harry Shocked to Learn Lawsuits Not Covered by Royal Allowance, Now Accepting GoFundMe Donations

Gloria HyperboleJuly 8, 2026

Prince Harry faces a massive £50 million legal bill after losing his phone-hacking case against the Daily Mail publisher.

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• Politics

Trump Requests to Pay $5.8 Million Judgment in Installments of $1 Per Decade, Court Calls Offer ‘Generous But Insufficient’

Veronica TruthbombJuly 7, 2026

A judge rejects Donald Trump's latest request to delay a $5.8 million judgment payment to E. Jean Carroll, declining his proposed installment plan.

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• Politics

Investors Astounded: Trump’s $TRUMP Memecoin Turns Out to Be ‘All About the Money’

Veronica TruthbombJuly 7, 2026

Nearly one million investors lost $3.8 billion in Trump’s $TRUMP memecoin, while Trump personally earned $636 million from the venture.

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• Politics

Florida Congressman Warns That Deporting Haitians Could Threaten Miami’s Essential Plantain Supply

Larry LiteralistJuly 7, 2026

Florida Congressman Carlos Giménez warns that deporting Haitians with Temporary Protected Status could cause a crisis in Miami's plantain supply, endangering local culture and cuisine.

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• Politics

Newsom Links Every Inconvenience to Trump, Including Federal Probe and Recent Parking Ticket

Penny PunchlineJuly 6, 2026

California Governor Gavin Newsom blames Donald Trump for a federal investigation and several mundane annoyances, despite evidence showing the probe began before Trump’s involvement.

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