• Politics

US Offers African Nations $350 Million in Exchange for Blood Samples, DNA, and Control of Spotify Playlists

Gloria HyperboleFebruary 28, 2026

African nations balk at US health aid agreements requiring them to share biological data, DNA samples, and control over music playlists in exchange for funding.

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• Politics

Pentagon Furious After AI Company Refuses to Loosen Guardrails, Demands Permission to Build Slightly More Thoughtful Terminators

Penny PunchlineFebruary 28, 2026

AI company Anthropic refuses to allow the Pentagon to use its models for mass surveillance and autonomous weapons, leading to a heated standoff over the future of thoughtful killer robots.

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• Politics

Congress Proposes Direct Filing: Americans May Soon Experience Tax Joy Without Middleman Misery

Chester P. NonsenseFebruary 27, 2026

Democratic lawmakers introduce a bill to resurrect IRS Direct File, aiming to let Americans submit taxes directly to the government without third-party misery.

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• Politics

Danish PM Calls Snap Election to Cash In on Greenland Popularity, Vows to Defend Island from Billionaire Real Estate Tycoons

Veronica TruthbombFebruary 27, 2026

Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen calls an early election hoping to capitalize on her popularity after publicly rejecting Donald Trump’s proposal to buy Greenland.

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• Politics

Mugabe Son’s Johannesburg Visit Takes Surprising Turn, Fails to Inherit Father’s Diplomatic Immunity

Larry LiteralistFebruary 27, 2026

Bellarmine Chatunga Mugabe, son of Zimbabwe's former president, faces attempted murder and immigration charges in Johannesburg after a shooting incident.

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• Politics

Trump Nominates Wellness Influencer For Surgeon General, Promises Nationwide Chakra Alignment By 2025

Chester P. NonsenseFebruary 26, 2026

President Trump nominates social media wellness expert Casey Means for Surgeon General, sparking debate over her medical credentials and unconventional public health plans.

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• Politics

Robert Mugabe’s Son Charged With Attempted Murder, Theft, And Failure To Update Socials On Johannesburg Night Out

Veronica TruthbombFebruary 26, 2026

Bellarmine Chatunga Mugabe, son of late Zimbabwean president Robert Mugabe, has been charged with attempted murder and other offenses following an alleged shooting incident in Johannesburg.

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• Politics

Germany Boldly Tackles Climate Change by Encouraging New Generation of Cozy Oil-Burning Cottages

Larry LiteralistFebruary 26, 2026

Germany's government scraps its renewable heating mandate, allowing households to continue using fossil fuels despite previous climate commitments.

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• Politics

Senate Democrats Investigate CBS For Failing To Air Segment Where Colbert Listens Silently To Texas Democrat For Seven Minutes

Veronica TruthbombFebruary 25, 2026

Senate Democrats have launched an investigation into CBS for allegedly censoring a segment where Stephen Colbert interviewed Texas Democratic candidate James Talarico, questioning whether the decision amounted to political suppression.

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• Politics

Nation Unites as 32% of Americans Finally Agree on Something: Trump’s Priorities Include Wearing Crown, Requiring Everyone to Say ‘You’re Hired’

Penny PunchlineFebruary 25, 2026

A new poll finds just 32% of Americans approve of Trump's priorities, as dozens of Democratic lawmakers boycott his State of the Union for an alternative event.

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