• Politics

Congressional Map Fight Escalates as Indiana Senate Proposes ‘Twister-Style’ District Boundaries

Penny PunchlineDecember 13, 2025

Indiana Senate rejects a GOP congressional map and instead proposes using 'Twister'-style games and random spins to determine new district boundaries amid the escalating redistricting fight.

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• Politics

Trump Expands Venezuela Sanctions to Include Supertankers, Maduro’s Nephews, and All Marginally Suspicious Dinghies

Veronica TruthbombDecember 13, 2025

President Trump expands U.S. sanctions on Venezuela to include oil tankers, Maduro’s extended family, and virtually any vessel approaching international waters.

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• Politics

Trump Mobile Phone Delayed Again as Engineers Still Debating Whether ‘Big Button’ Should Actually Work

Gloria HyperboleDecember 13, 2025

Trump Mobile's long-awaited smartphone faces yet another delay as its creators debate core features, leaving eager customers with little more than patriotic slogans and recurring billing charges.

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• Politics

Democrats Demand Kristi Noem Resign, Suggest Replacing DHS with Angrily Shouting Protesters

Buck MulliganDecember 12, 2025

Democrats call for Governor Kristi Noem’s resignation and propose installing an outspoken protester as Homeland Security chief after a congressional hearing is interrupted.

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• Politics

Immigrant Released From ICE Custody, Immediately Designated Official Symbol of All Partisan Conflict Everywhere

Larry LiteralistDecember 12, 2025

A federal judge ordered Kilmar Ábrego García released from ICE custody, making his case a national flashpoint in the U.S. immigration debate.

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• Politics

Congress Concerned After Trump Mistakes Venezuelan Oil Tanker for Giant Drug-Filled Piñata

Larry LiteralistDecember 12, 2025

President Trump authorized the seizure of a Venezuelan oil tanker, mistaking it for a drug-smuggling vessel, prompting bipartisan concerns over potential military escalation with Venezuela.

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• Politics

In A World First, Australia Passes Legislation With No Content At All

Gloria HyperboleDecember 11, 2025

Australia has stunned the world by passing a social media ban for children 16 and under with legislation containing absolutely no content. Lawmakers across the globe are bewildered as the bill includes no rules, no enforcement, and not a single guideline, making it the first law in history that is literally just a headline.

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• Politics

Montana Youth Forced to Sue Court Itself After State Ignores Own Laws, Physics, and Time

Veronica TruthbombDecember 11, 2025

After their historic legal victory, Montana youth climate activists now petition the state's top court to force officials to obey the court's own ruling, as lawmakers continue to sidestep the decision with new fossil fuel-friendly laws.

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• Politics

Europe Installs Emergency Trump Sirens, Urges Citizens to Practice ‘Duck and Cover’ Drills

Buck MulliganDecember 11, 2025

European Union leaders have implemented continent-wide Trump Warning Sirens and emergency drills in response to new U.S. foreign policy threats.

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• Politics

Miami Elects Democrat, Local Republicans Report Unprecedented Tide of Feelings and Seaweed

Veronica TruthbombDecember 11, 2025

Democrat Eileen Higgins has unseated three decades of Republican rule to become Miami’s new mayor, prompting widespread confusion, interpretive dance, and oat milk shortages among Miami’s conservatives.

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