• Politics

EU Assures Relationship With US Unchanged, Despite America Now Dating Entire European Far-Right

Larry LiteralistDecember 7, 2025

EU officials reaffirm their alliance with the US, despite a new American policy paper openly supporting Europe's far-right parties.

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• Politics

Trump Declares 2026 World Cup Draw ‘Bigger Than Moon Landing’, Assumes Credit for Soccer’s Invention

Chester P. NonsenseDecember 7, 2025

Former President Trump claimed responsibility for the 2026 World Cup draw’s global success and, by extension, the very invention of soccer while addressing Republican lawmakers at a White House event.

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• Politics

Capitol Pipe Bomb Suspect Shocked to Learn Placing Explosives at National Monuments Is Frowned Upon

Gloria HyperboleDecember 6, 2025

Brian Cole Jr., accused of planting pipe bombs near the US Capitol before the January 6 attack, makes his first appearance in federal court on explosives charges.

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• Politics

NPR Lawsuit Demands White House Recognize Public Radio’s Constitutional Right to Quarterly Tote Bags

Veronica TruthbombDecember 6, 2025

NPR has taken the Trump administration to court, alleging that a recent executive order endangers the survival of public radio and its cherished fundraising swag.

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• Politics

Jimmy Kimmel Celebrates Historic Google Surge After Trump Forgets to Log Out of Incognito Mode

Buck MulliganDecember 6, 2025

Jimmy Kimmel credits Donald Trump's relentless late-night Google searches for making him one of the world's top trending people in 2025.

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• Politics

Bitcoin Rodney Claims He Was Victim of HyperVerse Ponzi Scheme’s Hyperverse

Veronica TruthbombDecember 5, 2025

HyperVerse promoter 'Bitcoin Rodney' claims in US court that he is actually the victim of an advanced Ponzi scam orchestrated by Australian Sam Lee, seeking release from custody.

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• Politics

Congress Shaken After Navy Admits ‘Double-Tap’ Strike Was Actually Just Two Extremely Enthusiastic High-Fives

Larry LiteralistDecember 5, 2025

Lawmakers were left alarmed after a classified Navy briefing revealed that a much-discussed 'double-tap' strike on suspected drug boats involved not missiles, but a series of overzealous high-fives.

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• Politics

US Institute of Peace Rebranded as ‘Trump Institute of Absolute Winning’, Staff Encouraged to Replace Olive Branches with Gold-Plated Baseball Bats

Buck MulliganDecember 5, 2025

The US Institute of Peace has been renamed after Donald Trump and rebranded with his signature style, despite ongoing legal disputes over control of the organization.

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• Politics

Trump Pardons ‘Cocaine Superhighway’ Architect in Heartfelt Gesture Toward International Infrastructure Innovation

Buck MulliganDecember 4, 2025

Donald Trump pardons ex-Honduran president and convicted cocaine trafficker Juan Orlando Hernández, praising his logistical prowess as Honduras faces a razor-thin election result.

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• Politics

Trump Pardons Texas Democrat Henry Cuellar, Vows to Rescue All Victims of ‘Biden-Driven Persecution Complex’

Larry LiteralistDecember 4, 2025

Former President Trump pardons Democratic Congressman Henry Cuellar, accusing President Biden of targeting him over border policy criticism.

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