• Politics

Trump’s Shadow War in Venezuela Now So Shadowy Even Trump Isn’t Sure Where It’s Happening

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 2, 2026

The US launches increasingly secretive operations in Venezuela, to the point where officials are unclear on the details or results of their own covert campaign.

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• Politics

Trump Cuts Diplomatic Ties With Clooney Household Over Sudden Surge in Franco-American Tension

Buck MulliganJanuary 2, 2026

Donald Trump announces a personal diplomatic break with George and Amal Clooney after their decision to become French citizens, escalating tension between Trump and the Clooney household.

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• Politics

Trump Vaguely Boasts of Destroying Possibly Real, Definitely ‘Very Big’ Venezuelan Facility, Details Pending from Imagination

Buck MulliganJanuary 2, 2026

Donald Trump claimed the US destroyed a large facility in Venezuela without providing any details and US officials have offered no confirmation.

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• Politics

Trump Announces Netanyahu Pardon in Psychic Vision, Israeli President Confirms He Was ‘Just Thinking Loudly’

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 1, 2026

Donald Trump announced that Israeli President Isaac Herzog is sending a pardon for Benjamin Netanyahu, a claim swiftly denied by Herzog's office, leading to global confusion over the boundaries of diplomatic telepathy.

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• Politics

Kennedy Center Amends Bylaws So Only Trump-Appointed Trustees May Rename It ‘The Donald J. Trump Center For The Performing Tremendousness’

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 1, 2026

The Kennedy Center changed its bylaws to restrict voting on renaming the institution to Trump-appointed trustees, seemingly clearing the way to add Donald Trump’s name.

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• Politics

Iran’s Foreign Minister Urges Trump to Ignore Netanyahu, Offers To Sweeten Nuclear Deal With Free Mar-a-Lago Golf Passes

Larry LiteralistJanuary 1, 2026

Iran's foreign minister urges Trump to defy Israeli pressure and resume nuclear negotiations, offering golf perks and glow-in-the-dark uranium as incentives.

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• Politics

Judge Rules South Sudanese Can Remain In U.S. Until Country Upgrades From ‘Humanitarian Disaster’ to ‘Just Kind of a Mess’

Penny PunchlineDecember 31, 2025

A federal judge blocked the U.S. government from ending deportation protections for South Sudanese nationals, citing the country's ongoing humanitarian crises.

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• Politics

Trump Assures Netanyahu He’s ‘Basically President of Israel Now,’ Pardons Forthcoming ‘Any Minute’

Penny PunchlineDecember 31, 2025

Donald Trump falsely claims the Israeli president promised a pardon for Benjamin Netanyahu, prompting confusion and official denial from Israel.

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• Politics

Iran Suggests Trump Ignore Netanyahu, Consider Settling Disputes with Rock-Paper-Scissors Tournament Instead

Gloria HyperboleDecember 31, 2025

Iranian officials encourage President Trump to ignore Netanyahu and resolve nuclear disagreements through direct talks, or alternately, an official rock-paper-scissors tournament.

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• Politics

Marjorie Taylor Greene Shocked to Learn Trump Not Actually Blue-Collar Plumber From Akron

Chester P. NonsenseDecember 30, 2025

Outgoing Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene admits in an interview that she was surprised to learn Donald Trump is not, in fact, a working-class everyman.

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