• Sport

Russia Declares Triumphant ‘Capture’ Of Pokrovsk, Now Eyeing World Domination Via Empty Apartment Blocks

Penny PunchlineDecember 3, 2025

Russia announces the capture of Pokrovsk, touting it as a major victory despite ambiguity over the city’s actual significance.

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• Sport

Kentucky Football Coach Fired for Inaccurate Math Statement: Zero Percent Chance of Stepping Down Was Actually 100 Percent

Veronica TruthbombDecember 2, 2025

University of Kentucky fires football coach Mark Stoops for making a mathematically inaccurate claim about his job security.

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• Sport

Florida Gators Hire Tulane Coach Jon Sumrall, Announce New Policy to Pick Future Coaches Entirely at Random

Veronica TruthbombDecember 1, 2025

The Florida Gators have hired Tulane's Jon Sumrall as their new head football coach, reportedly using a random selection process after recent coaching disappointments.

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• Sport

Virginia High School Football Coach Attempts To Outrun Law And Linebackers Alike By Vanishing Into Woods With Gun

Gloria HyperboleNovember 30, 2025

A Virginia high school football coach disappeared into the woods with a firearm as police investigated him for child pornography allegations.

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• Sport

NFL Officials Introduce New ‘Oopsie Timeout’ Rule for Whenever Packers Get Confused

Larry LiteralistNovember 29, 2025

NFL officials grant the Green Bay Packers a timeout after an apparent false start, sparking debate over a new, unofficial 'Oopsie Timeout' rule.

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• Sport

NFL Experts Stunned as Player Makes Familiar Effortful Tackle, Prompting League to Consider Banning Hustle for Safety Reasons

Veronica TruthbombNovember 28, 2025

After Cowboys player Alijah Clark hustled to force a special teams turnover, NFL officials and analysts expressed shock and concern over such visible effort, prompting talks of banning hustle for player safety.

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• Sport

Virginia High School Surprised to Learn That Man Everyone Warned About Is Actually a Criminal

Buck MulliganNovember 27, 2025

A Virginia high school football coach accused of child pornography offenses disappears and is declared a fugitive, surprising a community that had long ignored persistent allegations.

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• Sport

Virginia High School Coach Disappears After Learning That ‘Wanted’ Posters Count Towards Varsity Letter

Chester P. NonsenseNovember 26, 2025

A Virginia high school football coach disappeared and became a fugitive after police issued warrants for his arrest.

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• Sport

Gaza Fitness Club Unveils New ‘Dodge the Rubble’ Cardio Class Amid Complete Facility Destruction

Penny PunchlineNovember 25, 2025

Gaza gym launches new rubble-based fitness classes for kids after facility's destruction.

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• Sport

UAB Football Player Mistakenly Thinks ‘Stab Block’ Is Literal, Faces Attempted Murder Charge

Buck MulliganNovember 24, 2025

UAB player misunderstands aggressive athletic metaphors, leading to extreme and literal consequences.

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