• Politics

Trump Forgets to Tell Congress About Venezuela Operation, Claims ‘Was Too Busy Tweeting About It’

Buck MulliganJanuary 5, 2026

President Trump authorized a secret operation to detain Venezuelan president Nicolás Maduro without informing Congress, citing a busy tweeting schedule.

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• Politics

Venezuela’s New Leader Promises to Both Destroy and Save Country at Same Time to Appease Everyone

Veronica TruthbombJanuary 5, 2026

New Venezuelan interim leader Delcy Rodríguez promises to defy the US, support Maduro, and appease all sides at once in a bid to please everyone and no one.

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• Politics

Trump Announces US Will ‘Run’ Venezuela Like A Subway Franchise, Offers Maduro ‘Free Cookie With Surrender’ Deal

Penny PunchlineJanuary 5, 2026

Donald Trump declared the US will 'run' Venezuela like a fast-food franchise, while Republicans and world leaders scramble to interpret the plan.

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• Politics

American Democracy is dead. Long live the Olinarchy…or is it Monigarchy?

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 4, 2026

This season on 'Merica, F**k Yeah!!, will the Oligarchs take full control of the US government or will King Trump reign supreme? Watch as the Supreme Court and Congress abdicate all power to Trump while the Constitution is treated like a kitty litter tray.

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• Politics

Billion-Dollar Bitcoin Hacker Released Early, Appointed Head of White House Cybersecurity Ethics Committee

Larry LiteralistJanuary 4, 2026

Bitcoin hacker Ilya Lichtenstein, released early thanks to the Trump-era First Step Act, is appointed head of the White House Cybersecurity Ethics Committee.

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• Politics

George Clooney Flees to France Citing ‘Dangerous Shortage of Paparazzi, Decent Cabernet’ in US, Fears Wife Might Be Mistaken for International Sanctions List at Customs

Larry LiteralistJanuary 4, 2026

George Clooney has relocated to France, citing US sanctions threats, poor wine, and a lack of quality paparazzi as key reasons for his move.

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• Politics

Trump Appoints ExxonMobil Board to ‘Guide’ Venezuela After Capturing Maduro, Offers ‘Welcome Basket’ of Freedom Fries

Chester P. NonsenseJanuary 4, 2026

The U.S. captures Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro in a military operation, appoints ExxonMobil executives to oversee the country's transition, and promises to restore order through fast food and oil.

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• Politics

Trump Claims US Destroyed ‘Important Thing’ in Venezuela, Possibly a Taco Stand or Giant Warehouse Full of Stuff—Details Forthcoming

Penny PunchlineJanuary 3, 2026

President Trump claims the US destroyed a significant, vaguely described facility in Venezuela, though neither details nor evidence have been provided.

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• Politics

Trump Declared ‘Most Cognitively Perfect Man Alive’ After White House Doctors Discover Brain Made Of Solid Gold

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 3, 2026

Donald Trump announces that White House doctors have declared him in unprecedented perfect health after he aces a cognitive exam and is found to have a brain made of gold.

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• Politics

Maduro Demands Trump Cease Hostilities, Start ‘Serious Talks’ About Whose Dictatorship Is More Fun

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 3, 2026

Venezuelan president Nicolás Maduro urges Donald Trump to abandon military aggression and engage in 'serious talks' about dictatorial prowess following mysterious reports of a CIA airstrike.

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