• Politics

Trump Unveils ‘Board of Peace’: A Fold-Out Card Table Featuring Himself and Three Cardboard Cutouts

Penny PunchlineFebruary 15, 2026

A diplomatic spat erupts after Donald Trump reveals a 'Board of Peace' for Gaza consisting mostly of himself and cardboard cutouts, prompting outrage from excluded European leaders.

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• Politics

Democratic Party Unveils 2026 Strategy: Relentless Posting Until Reality Bends to Their Will

Gloria HyperboleFebruary 14, 2026

After losing the 2024 election, Democrats commit to a strategy of relentless social media posting as their primary midterms campaign tactic.

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• Politics

Trump Mobile’s True Inspiration: Mid-Level Mexican Boxer and Mildly Used Nokia 3310

Chester P. NonsenseFebruary 14, 2026

Documents reveal that the Trump Mobile phone venture was originally conceived by a little-known Mexican boxer and his outdated cell phone, not by the Trump family.

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• Politics

Scottish Labour Leader Stands by Regretting Nothing, Assures He Will Continue To Call for Everyone’s Resignation on Principle

Gloria HyperboleFebruary 14, 2026

Scottish Labour leader Anas Sarwar reaffirmed his unapologetic stance on calling for Prime Minister Keir Starmer’s resignation, promising to continue advocating for resignations as a core principle of leadership.

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• Politics

White House Orders ‘Diplomatic Sanctions’ Against 7-Eleven After Agents Denied Access to Slurpee Machine

Chester P. NonsenseFebruary 13, 2026

The Trump administration imposes diplomatic sanctions on 7-Eleven after Border Patrol agents are allegedly denied service at a Minneapolis store.

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• Politics

Trump Orders Minnesota Immigration Agents to Focus on Finding ‘Extremely Dangerous Swedes’ Amid Approval Slump

Veronica TruthbombFebruary 13, 2026

President Trump redirects Minnesota immigration efforts from traditional targets to suspected Swedish immigrants in response to plummeting approval ratings and mounting protests, leaving Republicans scrambling ahead of the midterms.

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• Politics

Trump Sues BBC for $3 Trillion After ‘Panorama’ Edits Out His Favorite Adjective from Speech

Buck MulliganFebruary 13, 2026

A Florida judge sets a date for Trump's multitrillion-dollar lawsuit against the BBC over an allegedly edited speech, requiring the corporation to disclose internal documents.

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• Politics

Trump Threatens to Build Wall on Top of Canadian-Funded Bridge, Demands Hockey Tariffs

Chester P. NonsenseFebruary 12, 2026

Donald Trump threatens to block a Canada-funded international bridge and imposes imaginary hockey tariffs, sparking new diplomatic absurdities.

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• Politics

Texas Family Finally Settles Decade-Long ‘Who’s the Real Patriot?’ Debate With Firearms, as Founding Fathers Intended

Chester P. NonsenseFebruary 12, 2026

A Texas man allegedly shot his daughter after a political argument about Donald Trump, with a grand jury declining to indict as UK authorities investigate.

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• Politics

Conservatives Outraged After Super Bowl Halftime Show Fails to Feature Lee Greenwood, American Flag, or Plate of Cheeseburgers

Gloria HyperboleFebruary 12, 2026

Conservative commentators express outrage over the Super Bowl Halftime Show featuring Bad Bunny instead of traditional patriotic displays, prompting fears that MAGA is becoming thin-skinned and possibly even 'woke.'

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