• Technology

Americans Honor Legacy of Washington by Purchasing 144-Inch OLED TV for 11% Off

Buck MulliganFebruary 16, 2026

Americans across the country mark Presidents Day by purchasing discounted electronics, firmly believing it's how the Founding Fathers intended the holiday to be observed.

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• Technology

Nation’s Marriages Saved By USB-C Cable That Lets Couples Charge Two Devices, Hopes and Dreams Simultaneously

Gloria HyperboleFebruary 15, 2026

Anker's new dual-headed USB-C charging cable is being credited with dramatically improving the state of American marriages by allowing couples to charge two devices at once, ending years of domestic strife.

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• Technology

Meta Offers Discounted VR Headset with Free Batman Game, Still Refuses to Let Users Be the Cool Billionaire in Real Life

Chester P. NonsenseFebruary 14, 2026

Meta slashes the price of its Quest 3S VR headset and bundles it with a free Batman game, encouraging consumers to escape reality even as its own virtual world initiatives face layoffs and turbulence.

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• Technology

Groundbreaking AI Judge Now Decides Cases 40% Faster Than Human Judges, 200% More Likely to Misinterpret PDF Attachments

Larry LiteralistFebruary 13, 2026

The American Arbitration Association launches an AI-powered judge capable of settling construction disputes, raising hopes for faster rulings and new forms of legal confusion.

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• Technology

Economy Implodes As Lifx Unleashes $10 Smart Bulb, Rendering Billionaires’ $72 Philips Hues Worthless

Buck MulliganFebruary 12, 2026

Lifx releases a two-pack of smart color bulbs for $20, upending the luxury smart bulb market and causing panic among wealthy Hue owners.

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• Technology

Autodesk Sues Google for Trademark Infringement, Claims Sole Ownership of All Words Related to Movement and Progress

Chester P. NonsenseFebruary 11, 2026

Autodesk has filed a lawsuit accusing Google of trademark infringement over the use of 'Flow' in its AI video generator, claiming exclusive rights to all movement-related words.

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• Technology

Siemens CEO Announces Bold Plan to Automate All Life, Including Own Family Dinners

Gloria HyperboleFebruary 10, 2026

Siemens unveils a sweeping initiative to automate all human activity, promising AI agents for everything from business operations to family dinners.

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• Technology

Super Bowl LX Promises Most Human-Free Commercial Breaks In History, AI Predicted To Enjoy Halftime Snacks Too

Penny PunchlineFebruary 9, 2026

Super Bowl LX will feature almost entirely AI-generated advertisements, with tech giants using the NFL's biggest stage to battle for artificial intelligence supremacy while real humans nervously spectate.

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• Technology

Experts Warn: Nothing Says ‘I Love You’ Like Discounted Tech Gadgets Approved by Media You’ve Never Read

Buck MulliganFebruary 8, 2026

Tech reviewers recommend discounted gadgets as ideal romantic gifts for Valentine’s Day, ensuring couples can express their love through Bluetooth-enabled devices and robot vacuums.

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• Technology

Alexa App Redesign So Unusable Man Forced to Remember Groceries Like It’s 2011

Larry LiteralistFebruary 7, 2026

After Alexa's latest redesign renders its app unusable, a man abandons Amazon's digital assistant and reluctantly turns to Siri—and his own memory—to remember what groceries to buy.

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