• Technology

Reality Formally Concedes Defeat to Deepfakes, Begins Rebranding as ‘Legacy Content’

Buck MulliganFebruary 6, 2026

Reality has officially surrendered to deepfakes, choosing to rebrand as 'Legacy Content' while tech companies scramble to label what's real, possibly, maybe.

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• Technology

Roblox Unveils ‘Real-Time Dreaming’ Feature, Promises Children Can Now Be Disappointed by AI in Seconds

Penny PunchlineFebruary 5, 2026

Roblox introduces 'real-time dreaming,' an AI-powered feature that lets users instantly generate and alter 3D worlds, promising to revolutionize how quickly children can experience disappointment online.

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• Technology

Apple iPad Mini Now Perfect Size for Consumers Who Hate Commitment, But Love Overspending

Buck MulliganFebruary 4, 2026

Apple temporarily slashes the price of the iPad Mini, delighting consumers seeking a device that's neither a phone nor a tablet, but still costs almost as much as both.

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• Technology

Docusign CEO Warns: Letting AI Read Your Contracts May Result in Unintentional Marriage to Crypto Startup

Penny PunchlineFebruary 3, 2026

Docusign's CEO cautions users against relying on AI to read or write contracts, after reports of bizarre and legally binding consequences including accidental adoption of llamas and lifelong crypto startup memberships.

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• Technology

Americans Rush to Spend Entire Paychecks on Slightly Discounted Gadgets They Already Own

Gloria HyperboleFebruary 2, 2026

Americans enthusiastically buy slightly discounted iterations of products they already own as retailers and tech giants declare this weekend 'the best deals ever.'

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• Technology

Nation’s Economy Officially Runs on $5 Discounts and LEGO Roses, Experts Confirm

Buck MulliganFebruary 1, 2026

Americans are now sustaining the economy by chasing insignificant tech discounts, assembling LEGO flowers, and endlessly exploiting free streaming trials.

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• Technology

Nation’s Pet Owners Hopeful New $1,500 Robot Vacuum Can Finally Erase Evidence Of Their Chaotic Lives

Chester P. NonsenseJanuary 31, 2026

Americans are increasingly turning to expensive robot vacuums and mops like the $999 Roborock Qrevo Curv 2 Flow to clean up the visible signs of their domestic chaos, hoping technology can succeed where personal motivation has failed.

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• Technology

Google AI Unveils Groundbreaking Technology Capable of Generating Legally Ambiguous, Unplayable Video Games in Seconds

Buck MulliganJanuary 30, 2026

Google's new Project Genie AI allows users to create hilariously dysfunctional and barely recognizable knockoffs of popular Nintendo video games.

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• Technology

Google Invests $425M in Battery Recycling Company To Ensure AI Has Infinite Energy for Inventing New Types of Cats

Buck MulliganJanuary 29, 2026

Google invests $425 million in Redwood Materials to recycle batteries and keep AI data centers running, aiming to meet the increasing energy demands of artificial intelligence.

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• Technology

Amazon To Roll Out ‘No Hassle Returns’ Settlement: Refunds Now Processed Via Glitter-Filled Apology Cannons

Gloria HyperboleJanuary 28, 2026

Amazon settles a lawsuit by agreeing to pay millions to customers, introducing an extravagant system to deliver refunds directly and undeniably to their homes.

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